


holding onto you

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Dorks in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:49:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Steve and Bucky through the years to their love confession
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	holding onto you

1930,Brooklyn, two kids were playing on the playground near the school, one of them had short blonde hair, very thin, a beautiful smile and a heart full of gold. The other one, on the other hand, had brown short hair, build and very witty in personality. They were Steve Rogers and James Barnes name Bucky after his middle name Buchanan. Steve would always tell the story of how he found the name for Bucky, everyone called him like that now, forgetting his true name. Bucky too was very proud of it, he would correct people who called him James by saying ‘My name is Bucky.’ Steve’s heart would drop a beat every time he said that, he didn’t know why. 

The two kids were inseparable, it all started when Bucky saved Steve two years earlier, he was being robbed by school bullies who took advantage of his very thin body. Steve was known for fighting a lot despite never winning once due to him being too weak , that would make him bullies’ favourite target. Bucky saved him when he heard people shouting in a hallway, he has always been like Steve, getting in the middle of things no matter how dangerous they would be. The difference would be that Bucky was strong enough to beat all of those kids in once. 

He remembered seeing Bucky’s back when he turned around to check on him, Steve couldn’t see well due to his wounds. The bullies liked to hit on his face, making it hard for him to recognize them as they would attack him from behind first thing. Steve came from a poor family, he was the only child and lived with his mother, his father left him long ago he didn’t even remember him. Everyone would look down on him and he never had anyone standing up for him nor being his friend, he had no idea what that felt like. 

This is why Steve thought he fainted again, dreaming of someone helping him, he realised it wasn’t a dream the moment the guy spoke and held is hand waiting for Steve to take it and get up. ‘’Hey, are you alright?’’ The kid said, that was the first time he also heard his voice. He has never seen that kid before, he would remember someone with such a warm voice, Steve thought. 

He looked at his hand still confused about what happened earlier. Steve didn’t want to look dumber than he already thought he was looking at that moment, so he shaked the thoughts and held the guy’s hand. They are warm, he noticed, soft too. The guy helped him getting up from the floor and complained about the bullies. Steve could tell he was pure at heart, the kid would get angry while explaining why things like that shouldn’t allowed and how he wanted to keep punching them. He kept on checking Steve’s injuries and asked him to go to his place so he could help him out. ‘Your mom is going to be so worried, please!’ Said the guy trying to convince him, he still had a shaky voice probably due to the anger he was feeling towards those guys. Steve felt his eyes burn, he left a wimp escape his mouth. The kid was left surprised as he turned around to properly look at Steve. 

The kid was left speechless as he saw Steve crying, they stayed like this for a while until Steve stopped crying. The first to speak was the kid, he was very careful while speaking. ‘Did I say something hurtful? Do you have a mom?’ those last words where said carefully, slowly. as if he was checking for Steve’s reaction and if he could keep talking about it. Steve felt emotional once again, thinking how caring he was and how thankful he felt for having met him. Steve explained everything to him, how no one was there to ever save him, take care of him (apart from his mother) and how everyone in the city would turn a blind eye cause beating Steve was the norm. After some more rage and anger from the kid, they decided to go home, Steve was alright with being seen from his mother, so he didn’t accept the kid’s invite to go to his place. He still wanted to accompany him home, maybe worried that the bully would show up again to finish their business. Either way, Steve was silent through the whole walk home until the kid spoke. ‘I forgot to tell you my name! I’m James Buchanan Barnes, nice to meet you!’ Steve felt his cheeks redden from the sudden interaction. They stopped right before his house. 

‘Umh… nice to meet you Buch, I’m Steve Rogers.’ he said while looking away, Steve didn’t want to admit but he couldn’t remember the kid’s name as he was too taken back from the reaction to actually mind what he was saying, he hoped that he didn’t get it wrong but it was a foolish wish. The kid looked at him in confusion before realising he was actually _trying_ to say his name. He laughed. A beautiful laugh. 

‘No no, my name is James! Buchanan is my middle name, but Buch doesn’t sound that bad, I’ll give it to you!’ Steve liked his laugh, Steve found himself liking the way his eyes shined when his smile creeped. He thought he would love to make him smile and laugh more. Happy to know his shameful mistake made the beautiful boy laugh, he decided of giving him a nickname that he could have liked.

‘What about Bucky? Would it be okay if I call you that?’ James contemplated for a second before saying yes to that ‘It sound so cool, thank you Steve!’ was what he said before the door opened. 

It was Steve’s mother who came at the door after hearing the two speaking, she was surprised Steve was with someone who wasn’t treating him badly or _punching_ him. That made her hope for Steve to finally find the friend he so deserved. 

James presented himself to the woman as Bucky Barnes and that made Steve smile so wide it cheeks started hurting. They said their goodbyes and Steve went back inside. 

His mother would constantly ask about _Bucky_ , she was very happy to see his son had finally found a friend. Through the years Bucky and Steve stayed friends and went to the same schools, studied the same things. Bucky kept taking care of Steve and Steve would let him do that. Steve was falling in love, but he was too afraid to admit it. Homosexuality wasn’t seen as something _right_ by the people and he was too afraid to face Bucky. He knew Bucky was a nice person, but would he be nice enough not to leave his side knowing how he felt about his best friend? Probably not, was what Steve’s mind would keep saying. 

It was 1939 when they witness someone being killed for being gay, it was just a group of people circling a poor man who was known for being gay in their city. He was beaten to death by people who claimed they were doing the right thing. It was the first time Bucky didn’t interfere in a fight. Steve looked at him the whole time, unable to stare at what was going on, sickened by what was going on and to check on Bucky. He was incredibly silent and stiff, his fits clenched and his was tight shut. Steve was surprised, he remembered many thoughts were floating through his mind, he wondered if Bucky reacted that way because he wanted to beat the poor guy too _or_ Bucky wanted to beat who killed the guy. That thought was giving Steve too much hope, he had to stop thinking about it. 

Days went by after what they witnesses, Steve was restless as he saw Bucky being colder towards him and everyone. He didn’t know why the situation affected him so much and he was too afraid to even ask. So he suffered and stayed silent. 

In 1940 Steve’s mother passed away, it wasn’t sudden, she suffered for years and years. Steve wanted her to stay for as long as she could. He guessed that was how much he could have with her. 

Steve spent days staying in his room, not leaving the house, having Bucky to take care of him just like the old days. He felt as Bucky would hug him, caress him and let him cry on his shoulder. He missed his friend so much. 

Then it happened. It was 1941, Bucky wanted to go to war. Steve couldn’t due to his tiny figure. Steve was scared to lose him forever and Bucky was ready to go. 

He decided he would have confessed that night, he didn’t wish anything bad to happen to him but his selfish mind decided it was the right time to do it. ‘Now or never’ he thought. 

It happened the night before he Bucky had to leave, they were having dinner in Steve’s house, talking about nothing and everything, about their childhood. Steve felt like he was crying, both because he would have missed him so much and also due to all the memories that would probably turn into nightmares after he confesses. 

‘Bucky, I need to tell you something.’ Bucky stared at him. ‘What’s going on, are you alright?’ 

Steve was regretting talking to him, he wanted to never speak again, to rewind time. He thought about what could have happened if Bucky was found disgusted by him. He knew Bucky would never out him to the world but he still feared the friend hating and finding him disgusting. That was the worst thing that could have happened to him.

Even if Bucky was attracted to guys, why would he be attracted to _him_? Bucky was a very handsome guy, strong, gentle, witty. Everything anyone would want, why would he go for him? 

Steve was lost in his thought when Bucky sat right next to him , trying to calmly talking to him. He knew Bucky was worried he might have had a panic attack, he always worried a lot for his friend. The thought made him burst into tears. Bucky had no idea what to do and hugged him until he calmed down. 

When Steve calmed down, Bucky parted away from him to let him speak. 

‘I like you, Bucky.’ ‘I like you too, Steve. You’re my best friend.’ Said Bucky with confusion in his voice. That wasn’t what he meant, no. He knew Bucky would misunderstood, stupid of him to say that, he should have straight up used those stronger words _i love you_ but he was too afraid to admit it himself. ‘One more try Steve, just one more.’ he kept chanting in his head to give himself strength to confess. He looked up to Bucky, ready to talk _once again._ Suddenly he wasn’t able to speak, at first he thought he was too scared to speak but after the shock left his body he realised he had lips pressed to his, strong but soft hands holding him still. The kiss went for what Steve thought was eternity and a second all together, it wasn’t enough, he wanted more. He was dreaming, his was definitely dead and dreaming. He couldn’t believe his eyes. The person who he longed for so much was there, right next to him, looking at him straight in the eyes after kissing him.

_He kissed him. Bucky kissed Steve. Bucky liked Steve. Wow. Bucky._

‘As I said, I like you too.’ Bucky said before hugging him tightly. ‘I’m so happy to do this without forcing myself to take a step back.’ 

So Bucky had to stop himself from touching and kissing Steve ike that? Bucky? The handsome, kind, awesome Bucky? That Buck who everyone loved? 

Steve felt like he was on the moon. Bucky kept kissing him repeatedly around his face, not missing the chance to steal a kiss on the mouth every now and then. He really was holding back, Steve thought. 

After they consumed their love, they spent the night talking about everything that went through their head those years. Bucky found out he was gay the moment he saw Steve for the first time, he said what sold him was the nickname Steve gave him, he found it very amusing. Steve couldn’t believe that was it for him. Steve had no idea when he started falling for Bucky, slowly and hard would be the real answer, there wasn’t a specific day, he thought. Everyday was a new day to love Bucky in his fullness. 

Bucky and Steve discussed what happened back in 1939, the day they saw someone being killed for being like them, the day he thought Bucky hated homosexuals, the day he thought he lost Bucky forever. 

Bucky told him he got traumatised seeing the guy dying, thinking it could have been Steve if he ever confessed to him. Bucky didn’t care about his own safety, he could protect himself he said. He was worried sick about Steve being targeted for something Bucky, because it was easier, because Steve was smaller. So he started distancing himself from him, he tried to save Steve by keeping his distance, he really did try. 

When Steve learned about what really went through Bucky’s head he hugged him tightly and cried for him. He loved Bucky so much, the thought that they were supposed to separate each others from the morning after was eating both alive. But it was something Bucky wanted to do, he had to do it. 

Bucky had an idea, he took Steve by the hand and ran to his own house, searched for something that Steve had no idea what could have been to then realise : it was a camera. 

Bucky said he wanted to take a picture of Steve with him.

Steve wasn’t so sure of it, he thought that would give it away so easily and he would face death during the war. Bucky reassured him saying they will take a picture together and he will say Steve was his brother. Bucky had a brother called like that, in the end. He died but no one knew about it, he kept everything a secret, to everyone but Steve. 

They took two pictures, one for Bucky and the other for Steve. 

Bucky kept his in pocket close to his heart. That night they slept together, hugging each others thighly and hoping the day Bucky would go back home to live their life as _boyfriends_ would come soon. 


End file.
